The Amazon Reviews For This Crazy Knife Are Too Good

This a Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant. Is this even a real knife? I don’t even care, and neither do all the people who left Amazon reviews for it either.

5.0 out of 5 stars
Surprising Results

I tried to file my nails, but in the process I accidentally fixed a small engine that was near by. Which was nice.

5.0 out of 5 stars
87 to 88!

Doc Brown and I added a flux capacitor and charged this bad boy with 1.21 gigawatts of power and it flat disappeared.

3.0 out of 5 stars
Ooops

I forgot the knife in the front pocket of my Swiss Army shorts and when my wife washed them, it completely disassembled our washing machine.

3.0 out of 5 stars
A couple pointers.

Leaving this review with only three stars for a few reasons:
1. I have called off work and not left the house for ten days… Still can’t find the knife.
2. This knife isn’t balanced at the tang, not gonna be too good as a throwing knife.
3. The camera feature is pretty good, but its right next to the bidet and every time I use the bidet, it shorts out from all the water and takes a bunch of pictures.
4. Function #420 makes me feel kinda strange.
5. Whatever you do, leave both function #69 and #666 alone.

5.0 out of 5 stars
It’s all coming together now.

I used to wonder why Switzerland had never been overrun by foreign invaders despite being right in the middle of Europe and the direct neighbors to two imperial German armies. After one look at the Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant, I don’t wonder anymore.

5.0 out of 5 stars
Flew it to Vegas

When I forgot to take it out of my backpack before trying to board my flight, the helpful TSA agent at the security area pointed out that by deploying the two larger blades and the jet engine on the back side I really didn’t need a commercial flight, just a runway and some goggles. Boy, did I feel dumb, but I saved $605 on airfare!

 

Want to read more ridiculous reviews? Check out our article on these hilarious reviews of the world.