Paul Henry Is Back

When I was at uni, I’d occasionally go to Allied Workforce and pick up any odd jobs that didn’t require steel-capped boots, a forklift licence or any skill at all, really. In the early, cold mornings in that shed, we’d sit there wondering whether we’d get any work. The only comfort was morning TV, and that’s where I saw Paul Henry for the first time.

All the guys loved him. Occasionally, we’d flip to Channel Three, where its breakfast show seemed actively preoccupied with and bitter about Paul’s existence. It felt much more mean-spirited. Back to Channel One we’d go. We’d all lean in, wondering what landmine he’d leap onto with gay abandon next. Eventually, he leaped onto one too many, and polite society ejected him from its hallowed halls of monotony, confirming everything the steel-capped-boot crew ever thought about that crowd. I don’t know what the guys watch there now, but I doubt it’s anything half as good.

Now he’s back in the spotlight, having recently announced that he will stand as an ACT Party list candidate, adding a new personality to NZ politics. Democracy is a popularity contest, and personalities carry parties almost more than policies do, which, I know, is a bold thing to say when Christopher Luxon is in power.

Winston Peters has been bearing the entire weight of NZ First for years, despite Shane Jones’s best efforts, while Chlöe Swarbrick is the Green Party’s only lifeline. Labour needs to find someone soon if it wants a better chance, and without David Seymour, I doubt ACT would be any sort of player at all. Parties generally need only one wisecrack to survive. Now ACT has two.

When asked about Winston, Paul had this to say: “I used to host Traitors, so I know more about Winston and NZ First than anybody else.”

On committing three years to ACT, he said: “So, I decided — what’s three years? You know, for a 65-year-old man, is another three years going to make any difference? Look how well I’m weathering.”