An Obituary for TV: memories of a time long past

I distinctly remember the last time I watched TV with any sort of regularity. It was 2005 and I had just seen the second season of Lost. I got the deep and uneasy feeling that I was having my time absolutely wasted. I stood up, left the room, and never sat in front of that TV ever again. Lost was so bad that it literally put me off an entire medium. When people ask why TV3 news is dead I will tell them it was Lost’s fault. A decade or so later a Youtube video would kindly inform me that yes, Lost was indeed a waste of everyone’s time.

At the time of writing, the hot news is Warner Bros Discovery cutting its losses on Newshub citing “strong economic headwinds and a significant drop in advertising revenue” as it lets go of a little under 300 staff. There’s never a good time to be unemployed, and right now feels like a particularly awful time to find yourself in that position. They offloaded the task of delivering a one hour news bulletin to Stuff which has volunteered its services to stand on the deck of the sinking ship of TV news. This is despite having no expertise in that department (TV News, not sinking ships). How hard can it be right? Sit behind a desk with no pants on with a concerned look on your face and you’re already half way there. That’s how I got through every single Zoom call during the pandemic.

News watching on TV has been in decline across all age groups since 2011. Advertising dollars have also been drying up, with TV losing $74 million in advertising dollars in 2023 alone. I have one friend who is regularly inflicted with second hand exposure to TV via a muted monitor in the corner. It gives him deep insights he imparts to us later like “Oh wow, OJ Simpson is looking pretty good these days. Wonder what he’s doing.”

My family and most of the people I associate with are avid news readers across the political spectrum, but I don’t think I could say any of them are news watchers. The only time we’re watching news is when the video at the top of the article autoplays and pins itself to the side of the screen, vigorously and mutely burning through mobile data.

TVNZ slightly jumped the gun after Newshub’s announcement. They eagerly announced that they were downsizing the news on TV1 to half an hour. This is a reversion back to what it was pre TV3’s competition. I’m not sure if they’ll begrudgingly wind that decision back now that Stuff is stepping up to the plate or whether they’re strong believers in making a bed that isn’t hemorrhaging money and sleeping in it.

Perhaps the worst loss is the axe getting taken to Fair Go. Who will stand between us and tradies going through our mum’s underwear drawer now?

The last true TV watchers I know were my friends’ flatmates. They’d vegetate in front of CSI:Insert American City as flies crawled over their trash. Once or twice maggots would erupt onto the carpet and they’d wail “Why is this happening to us??”

“Maybe it’s all the flies getting on all the food you’re leaving out.” my friend responded bitterly.

“What do flies have to do with maggots??”

TV, you will be missed.