Boltholes For Former World Leaders
Now that Joe Biden has (finally!) been rudely woken from that nice nap where he was dreaming of winning a second term in November, he joins the ever-lengthening list of former world leaders now on the lookout for new digs.
Whilst we have covered Sleepy Joe’s future options elsewhere in this august magazine, we also thought it would be prudent to see where some of these other ex-world leaders could shack up seeing as they have outstayed their welcome at home:
Rishi Sunak
British politicians seem to (literally in some cases) have a shorter shelf life than most of the fruit and vegetables I’ve bought to liquify at the bottom of my fridge.
Former UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak is one such example, waiting patiently in line behind Lizz Truss who only took 45 days before her best before date had been hit.
British PM’s are like contestants on reality TV who get voted out in the first week. They definitely did something to deserve it but you only saw them for such a short period of time that you can’t remember exactly what it was they even did. as possibly the most unpopular British leader ever, he led the Conservatives on a Charge of the Light Brigade into one of their worst defeats of all time. Rishi was so unliked within his own party he even managed to get the Chipping Norton Set to vote Labour!
As someone who seems so adept at burning bridges our holiday recommendation to Sunak is the Villa North Island in the Seychelles. This is a very isolated resort featuring only 11 villas, each with its own series of wooden decks, coconut grove, and private entrance to a secluded beach. So private in fact, that occupancy of the villas is only ever rumoured to exist – and which may/may not include fellow paparazzi dodgers such as George and Amal Clooney and Will and Kate.
Such accommodation of course is very expensive, we are talking $11,000 a night here! But, as Rishi has a merchant banking background and wife Akshata is an heiress to the Indian mega corporation Infosys, money is naturally of no object!
Imran Khan
If former Pakistan Prime Minister Imran Khan is ever released from jail – and there probably isn’t anybody in the world outside of the Pakistani military who thinks he is guilty of one let alone 200 crimes (aside from his assists in beating the Black Caps at the 1992 Cricket World Cup of course!) But if the miraculous happens and the key is finally turned in the lock, who would blame the classy former Pakistani fast bowler-cum-politician of hightailing it out of his beloved homeland for a safer haven?
Should this ever come to pass, we would suggest the Caribbean paradise of Necker Island as a new home base for his corruption-tackling, economy-boosting, social-welfare-developing kind of politics. Owned by Richard Branson and with a very short guest list that includes the likes of Barack Obama – but not many Pakistani generals – he might well find it a home away from home.
Necker Island would also be a good spot for Imran to keep up his interest in cricket as the Under-19s at the Road Town Wholesale Cricket Club are currently short of a coach. He would have to charter a private boat to and from the A.O. Shirley Recreation Grounds however, as they are on a different island; Tortola, the largest of the British Virgin Islands.
Boris Johnson
If there is one place in the world where former British Prime Minister Boris Johnson would feel right at home – it would have to be Ibiza, Spain. The Party King belongs in the Party Capital of Europe!
Even before his final Partygate scandal where he threw wild debauches for his staff all the while demanding every other Brit obey his austere Covid restrictions, Johnson had an unshakeable rep as a party animal. It didn’t help that his uniform appearance of crumpled clothes and messy hair made it look like he’d just stumbled out of an all nighter while his impish grin (to Tories)/condescending smirk (to Labourites) appeared to neutrals as nothing less than a stimulant-fuelled bleary glaze.
Add to that Johnson’s cavalier attitude; air of Eton Entitlement he couldn’t be bothered trying to camouflage at all; plus his Oxford undergrad sense of humour and it all seemed like he’d never left the laissez-faire climes of the Bullingdon Club.
The Ibiza Gran Hotel would be the perfect base for Boris going forward as it has the amenities – and fellow free-spirited clientele – which would allow him to seamlessly slide from Ruling to Rave. Bedding himself into a five-star hotel featuring sophisticated suites, casino, world-class restaurants, spa, rooftop pool, and handy proximity to the wild nightlife – it would seem like Boris never left 10 Downing Street!
Abdalla Hamdok
Governing a country as politically volatile as Sudan can’t be a walk in the park as you can expect nationwide protests both when you become Prime Minister and when you get removed too. Certainly that has been Abdalla Hamdok’s experience as he has tried his best to navigate a way forward for his nation with its long history of internal conflict and strife.
Unlike in some African countries, the top job in Sudan isn’t one you can expect a lengthy tenure in as most Prime Ministers here have barely served two years in charge since the 1950s. Aside from Omar al-Bashir of course, who got rid of the pesky idea of democracy altogether and enjoyed thirty years at the tiller as ‘President’.
Once Omar al-Bashir was finally kicked out, Abdalla stepped up as a ‘Transitional PM’ charged with easing Sudan back to democracy from its uneasy power-sharing agreement between civilians and the military. The task proved insurmountable of course and another coup saw him out on the street. International outrage however saw him grudgingly reinstated, but despite this second crack Abdalla again finds himself at a loose end.
Staying put in Sudan might only encourage military thoughts of house arrest so Abdalla would be best to take an extended vacation, at least until the next Arab Spring. And, after enduring so much desert and hot-blooded opposition for the past 68 years Abdalla could probably do with a nice cool change. Thus, he could do a lot worse than to set sail on a restored Omani Dhow, a sailboat reminiscent of the golden age of Arabian voyages. Abdalla could sail from the Six Senses Zighy Bay through the Musandam fjords, stopping off in secluded fishing villages and private bays along the way. Plus, whilst onboard, Abdalla can also book a spa therapist, undergo cooking classes with the chef or dives in the bay aboard the Dhahab.
Here, Abdalla will be far enough away to avoid any Sudanese military intervention yet, still close enough to undertake a triumphant return – and yet another crack at a transitional governance!
So, while it may seem like it’s game over politically for Joe and his ex-world leader colleagues, the party is definitely far from over! There is a huge catalogue of exclusive boltholes for the rich and famous out there to mope about in whilst you mull over your options for the future. From ‘get away from it all’ to ‘get amongst it’ every base is covered here and all are dripping with opulence.
In fact, the post-political life looks so good, it even makes the misery of going through life as a politician look attractive!
