It’s Time to Diversify Your Asset Portfolio (Into The Stuff I’m Hoarding In The Garage)

Woah, what’s happening with the markets already? Gold and silver completely spazzed out recently, the Yen just climbed to insane highs and everyone’s talking about the Greenback tanking.
I looked up the definition of ‘jittery’ in the dictionary online and it had a screenshot of today’s Nasdaq closing! I.e.: It’s time to diversify your investments, bro.

But to what? If metals, currencies and bonds all suck what’s left to invest in?

I’ll tell you: retro Japanese entertainment platforms, game card collectibles and even unicorn stickers weird ex-girlfriends gave you. Why? Because collectibles aren’t tied to geopolitical influence and no market has ever panicked over vintage plastic.

Old Game Boys. Old PlayStations. Click-wheel iPods. Pokémon and Magic: The Gathering cards (some even still in the original cellophane). These assets have something modern finance lacks: they actually exist, and they don’t pretend otherwise. (Plus, my wife wants me to clean up the garage so we can fit in a new table tennis table.)
Remember!

A boxed Game Boy CANNOT be sanctioned.

A first-edition Zoid is INDEPENDENT of Fed credibility.

A Nokia 3310 will OUTLAST three governments and your current phone contract.

These things are scarce, portable, emotionally charged, and have got to mean something to someone somewhere (surely!). Their value is driven not by policy statements but by nostalgia, divorce settlements, and men in their forties rediscovering Trade Me at 2am.

Full disclosure: the author of this column may or may not own several of these assets and may or may not be open to offers. Enquiries welcome.