Mental Madness; Triumph Over Tribulations

“You need to go and get your f**king head straight!” With those cutting words, I walked away. Away from the turmoil, away from my businesses, and away from the dream I had nurtured for two decades. Despite considering myself fairly resilient after years in business, this particular remark struck a chord. In 2017, during a meeting in our boardroom with three colleagues, those harsh words pierced through me. I sought refuge in my office as they casually discussed my future, “He is out. He will look to sell”.

And sell I did! Twenty years of dedication shattered in a single moment. I physically left the office that day, but mentally, I never returned.

Forgive and forget, right? Not me. While I’ve moved forward to a better place, that day remains etched in memory. The callousness of such a statement, especially knowing my struggles and contemplation of suicide, is unforgivable. No matter how much anger, frustration, or any other emotion runs through a person, this statement is unacceptable. People matter. It could have been the end for me.

Months later, the toughest part ensued. Opening up to my wife that evening marked a turning point, and her unwavering support amidst the toxicity we faced was a beacon of strength. But some months later, as we shared a moment over a glass of French Rosé, her tears spoke volumes. Her words echoed the gravity of the situation that we had battled through over the recent months, “you may have not returned home that day”. And she is right; If I was still in that dark place, I might never have made it home that afternoon. Hearing my wife open up to me and sharing the internal struggles she had been dealing with since that day and the strength she had shown in supporting me while managing her own emotions nearly broke my heart. Our shared struggles ignited a personal mission to combat mental health crises in the business world.

So why am I sharing this? It is not through spite; I will never mention the name of the individual in a public forum. Hopefully, they know they “did wrong”, and that is enough for me. My story is a beacon for fellow professionals and entrepreneurs facing similar challenges. It’s about shedding light on what I discovered on my journey post-walkaway, offering tools and insights to help others navigate the shadows. My determination is clear: eradicate extreme stress, anxiety, burnout, and depression and prevent suicides triggered by business pressures. The loss of business individuals to suicide is a tragedy often shrouded in silence, leaving loved ones shattered and questions unanswered.

In my quest, I’ve unearthed alarming statistics and insightful studies. The silence surrounding extreme stress, anxiety, burnout and suicides linked to business strains must end. By sharing my experiences openly, I aim to support those in similar battles and pave a path through the darkness. My mission is one of hope and resilience, combating the mental madness that is becoming a plague for NZ business. Although my journey and research were focussed on small business ownership this is also a problem for professionals who face high pressure environments.

A 2018 piece from Forbes Magazine resonated deeply with me. The article titled “Entrepreneurs And Suicide Risk: A New Perspective On Entrapment Provides Hope” had a very powerful paragraph. “There are as yet no reliable data that compare the risk or rate of suicide among entrepreneurs to other comparable high-achieving and driven workers. But common sense says that the high-stress life, enormous uncertainty, exhaustion and risk of humiliation that every entrepreneur endures makes a case for increased caution.” “The biggest predictor of suicide may not be depression or thoughts about killing yourself (what people in mental health call “suicidal ideation”) but the feeling of being trapped.”

This was me; I was not depressed; I felt trapped!

The article went on to say “While mental health care might be essential, it’s equally important for the business to take care of the structural business issues that are contributing to the feeling of entrapment.” Again, this was a factor for me; issues were not dealt with. Upon reflection, there were serious communication issues at play within my business.

Another intriguing study, conducted by Xero in 2019 on Small Business Wellbeing, revealed some concerning statistics that I’m sure many business owners can resonate with. 44% of small business employers reported a negative impact on physical and mental health due to running a small business. Not all stress is detrimental; however, the study revealed that debilitating stress is worrisome, impacting 6% of small business owners most of the time. 9% of small business employers were frequently anxious, overwhelmed, guilty, or frustrated, while 27% experience these emotions occasionally.

A New Zealand based survey of small business owners 2021 revealed 70% felt stressed and anxious, with nearly 50% experiencing burnout and over 25% facing depression. That’s around 125,000 business owners feeling depressed! At a similar time, a UK study found 11% of business owners considered suicide, a significant figure! Extrapolating to New Zealand’s approximate 500,000 SMEs, this could mean a potential 55,000 business individuals in NZ contemplating suicide during COVID. Business has now been challenging for a number of years, and many businesspeople will have experienced escalating pressures over this time. Considering this, the number of individuals having such thoughts four years post-COVID onset could be alarmingly high.

The spotlight on Mental Health has intensified in recent years, but I feel like it has almost become a trendy, politically correct topic rather than an intrinsic part of overall health. A number of medium to large companies and supporters of small businesses have been emphasising the importance of mental health and well-being for staff. While this has benefitted many, a question lingered in my mind – “What about the business owners?” After all, without them, the business wouldn’t exist; they need to be prioritised too.

I believe many of the initiatives designed for small business owners often missed the mark, mainly due to the following reasons:

Small business owners are tirelessly striving to keep their businesses afloat.

There’s a pressure to succeed, leading to a reluctance to display vulnerability.

Most small business owners are overwhelmed with multiple responsibilities, leaving no room for anything else.

Many small business owners lack the expertise and resources to identify and address mental health issues, causing symptoms to be overlooked.

AS A RESULT – Many are caught off guard! This is what needs to change.

However, there is a shift towards integrating mental well-being into everyday health practices. People are more open about discussing mental health, and the younger generation rightly emphasises self-care. This is a positive step; long may this continue.

After seven years, I find myself in a much better place. Although I still face challenges akin to a physical injury, I occasionally feel a “slight twinge”. The key is recognising it and utilising effective coping mechanisms for healing. The scars may linger, but with time, they fade. Despite the shattered dreams from 2017, they weren’t entirely lost. I’m now crafting a new dream on a stronger foundation. Amidst losses, there have been gains in various aspects of my journey.

My reflection and journey of discovery since that day in 2017 has highlighted a number of things for me that I believe all business owners should give increased focus to.

Clarifying Your Vision – BIG PICTURE

Many small business owners lose sight of their initial business goals and purpose. Amidst numerous messages about having a grand purpose, a simplified approach like defining your BIG PICTURE can offer clarity. This representation of your desired future life guides decision-making and keeps you aligned with your purpose. Above all make sure those that are part of your journey, such as your spouse, also buy-in and that the BIG PICTURE is shared. I have developed a workflow to help people with this but the most important aspect is to take time to think/dream and above all sharing with those on your journey to come up with a shared outcome/dream.

Achieving Balance – A MUST

Achieving balance across personal and professional life sectors is crucial. This isn’t merely about the old thinking of work-life balance, which was basically about spending less time in the office, but more about maintaining equilibrium between corresponding aspects of PERSONAL and PROFESSIONAL. Regular self-assessment helps identify and address imbalances promptly. Maintaining balance is more straightforward than it seems; a quick monthly check-in can suffice. However, to really explain my take on Balance is an educational piece in itself, so I’ll keep that for another time.

Identifying Triggers and Addressing Emotional Responses Early.

Entrepreneurial traits might make us more susceptible, hindering us from addressing issues promptly. It’s crucial to acknowledge that some stress is normal; we must normalize discussions around it and, most importantly, handle it before it escalates. Avoid brushing these issues aside.

It’s essential to tackle minor issues before they snowball. I refer to this as the “Circle of TEARs” for business people. The Trigger (“T”) leads to an Emotional response (“E”), which necessitates an Action (“A”) to prevent recurrence, the Remedy (“R”). Failing to find a remedy intensifies future triggers and responses, leading to a breakdown. Recognising Triggers and addressing emotional Responses like frustration, anger, stress, and anxiety early on is vital.

So many feel the same way; there is a way through it.

It’s common to feel alone, but you are not alone. Research indicates that 70% of business owners experience isolation, and numerous studies reveal that many small business owners face extreme stress, anxiety, burnout, or depression at some point. Personally, while working from home, I often go an entire week without interacting with anyone beyond my family. This solitude can be overwhelming. My coping mechanism? Endless cups of coffee at the local café just for some human contact. During my darkest times, my coping mechanisms varied, and these are different for everyone. What I didn’t understand was that so many business owners were also facing similar battles. Just like physical illness, we need to be open to sharing and talking about mental illness. The human body can recover from physical Illness or trauma, and the same is true for mental illness or trauma; there is a way through.

So, in summary, clarifying your overarching goals and vision, encapsulated in your “BIG PICTURE,” will provide clarity and guide decision-making. Achieving balance across personal and professional aspects is vital for sustainability and well-being while regularly assessing and addressing imbalances is essential to avoid future challenges. Recognising triggers and addressing emotional responses early on is crucial to prevent escalation. Coping with extreme stress, anxiety, burnout, or depression is a common challenge among business owners and professionals. Don’t push aside those underlying issues.

Encouraging Discussion

Normalising discussions around mental health is just one component of combatting the madness that is becoming a mental health crisis. For me, this component is the initiative I am taking; initiatives like public speaking, publishing articles, hosting podcasts, and sharing personal stories to normalise these discussions for businesspeople in the hope that it helps others to identify early signs before the BOOM, the loss of business individuals to suicide is a tragedy.

Thank you for reading and for your support. Let’s start a conversation and combat these challenges collectively. If you can offer guidance, support, or are willing to share your story of extreme stress, anxiety, burnout, or depression due to business pressures, please reach out. Together, let’s eradicate this madness.

PODCAST Available on Spotify and Apple – “Mental Madness Triumph over Tribulations”