The Good The Dad The Ugly
There are few things in life that will change a man, like becoming a dad. It is incredible how a such a small bundle of noise and nappies can be the pivot point for such a shift in priorities and perspective. To celebrate Father’s Day we joined a few New Zealand dads and their kids to find out what fatherhood means to them.
Jay Reeve, 34
Radio broadcaster and television presenter
Father of Oscar and Hunter (3 years)
What does a normal day as a dad look like for you?
At the moment the boys are visiting us about five or six times a night, so I share settling duties with Anna throughout the night, the boys have a solid amount of energy and like to welcome the sunrise, so they are up early and into it. They enjoy a solid breakfast and once they are topped up we normally wrestle on our wrestling mat for half an hour or so and practice passing and catching. [We then] try and find two of the same thing to dress them in because it is the law that identical twins need to be dressed the same. Anna has the boys for most of the day while I am at work; my schedule is really flexible so I can generally move what I am doing around to allow me to go to things like swimming or drop them at kindy etc. Night time routine consists of more wrestling or catching them in a ‘Nugget Net’. Both boys are great eaters and love cucumber, tomatoes and pasta. I have a love of seafood and all things meat, so am introducing them to everything I am lucky enough to get my hands on; friends of mine hunt, so we get everything from smoked marlin to wild venison. Bath time is me and the boys; they both love the water and ‘diving for crayfish’ – it’s a good chance to catch up on what has happened in their day. Jarmies, teeth and bed follows; they choose a story each, which I read and then I try to broker all types of deals to keep them in their own beds over night, generally to no avail. How did you feel when you found out you are going to be a dad?
How did you feel when you found out you are going to be a dad?
It was really hard for us to conceive children, possibly due to some questionable lifestyle decisions I made in my younger years. I always wanted twins but having to go through IVF meant this was almost impossible (a 1/4000 chance), but I’m a lucky guy and the universe came through for us. We found out at one of our first scans and I was over the moon, Anna took a bit to come round, but wouldn’t have it any other way now.
It was really hard for us to conceive children, possibly due to some questionable lifestyle decisions I made in my younger years. I always wanted twins but having to go through IVF meant this was almost impossible (a 1/4000 chance), but I’m a lucky guy and the universe came through for us. We found out at one of our first scans and I was over the moon, Anna took a bit to come round, but wouldn’t have it any other way now.
What is the most rewarding thing about being a dad for you?
Being a father is rewarding full stop. I love the milestones: crawling, walking, sleeping, trying new food, watching the different personalities develop. Every second of every day is a reward I struggle to think I am worthy of. My boys love what I love – motorbikes, surfing, diving and, of course, their amazing mother. Being a father has made me realise what life is all about. I am a selfish guy and quite pig headed; being a father has changed that, slightly, which is also rewarding.
What have been some of the biggest challenges?
I do pretty well on next to no sleep after and backing up after big nights after years at MTV. The time it takes to organise the boys and get out of the house can take forever no matter how well-oiled the machine is. There is soooo much that goes into getting the boys out the door, we are generally half an hour late after trying to be half an hour early.
How do you balance being a Father and your work commitments?
I have been lucky enough to structure my contracts to allow me to spend the maximum amount of time with the boys as they grow up. Before the boys were born, I read a lot of successful businessmen and women who wished they could’ve spent more time with their families. Being a part of their lives as they went through all of the different phases… every day something new, amazing, funny or heartbreaking happens and I don’t want to miss it. No amount of money can buy back time you miss with your kids.
When was the moment when you first felt like a dad?
I was at my local pub in Mt Maunganui and noticed a group of girls in their early 20s looking at me and whispering to each other. They eventually came over and asked for a photo with me and as they walked away I overheard them saying “I can’t believe we got a photo with The Reeve Nuggets Dad!” I am no longer me, I am someone’s father and that changes a lot of what I do, where I do it and how those actions reflect on my family.
Do you think there should be changes around the amount of leave dads are entitled to?
Totally! In the first three years, 90 percent of a child’s neurological pathways are formed and I want to be part of that construction. Everyone wishes they could have a greater amount of time to spend with their children, especially in the formative years. It’s something that needs to be, and should be, addressed.
How much leave did you take when your kids were born?
I was very lucky; my employer at the time was an amazing lady by the name of Jane Hastings; [she], Bosto my boss at ZM and my co-host Flynny told me to take as much time as needed, as the boys were in NICU for 10 days, so I would be bouncing back and forth from hospital to see them, and Anna and everyone scrambled to make it possible. Once they came home I had two weeks of helping them and Anna settle into home; we had great support from both sets of parents, and my mother in-law effectively moved in with us, which was amazing!
Funniest moments with your little ones?
The boys are pretty classic and do hilarious stuff all the time. It’s the things they say as opposed to do that are now the funniest these days. Recently my good friend and ex-All Black Jarrad Hoeata returned from playing in Wales and is a laaaarge human at 6’6”. When they saw him, the look on their faces and how they both exclaimed “he is a real life Giant” and “his legs go all the way up to the roof!” was pretty classic.
What is something you want to pass on from your experience with your dad to your kids?
People are not a commodity to trade, nor should you gain benefit from someone else’s misfortune. Kindness goes a long way, there shouldn’t be winners and losers in life, just winners. Time is the best thing to spend on your family.
What is the best memory of your Father?
My dad is the most caring, knowledgeable, kind, hard-working and conscious people I know. He taught me every great thing I know and is responsible for any great qualities I possess. I still learn life lessons from him daily. Weirdly, the most memorable moment with him would be from when we lived in Taranaki and he was a lifeguard at Opunake Beach; he would put a life jacket on me as a five-year-old and I would sit on the fuel bladder at the front of the Surf Club IRB and he would race waves back in (and it was always pretty solid and sizeable surf). I would be looking back at him, so impressed with how skillful he was at driving; he’s a big muscular guy and had the biggest smile on his face. If I can be half the father to my boys that he is to me I will consider myself a success.
How are you going to spend Father’s Day?
I’ll be hopefully spending Father;s Day with my own father – three generations of Reeve lads – making the most of it. Hopefully spoilt with a sleep in and able to ride my bike somewhere to meet the family for lunch.
What is the most important thing your kids have taught you?
They have shown me again how amazing the simple things are: sunrises, puddles, rainbows, smiles, a hug, crawling around rock pools. Sometimes the simplest things give you the greatest pleasure. Every day is a gift; that is why they call it ‘the present’.
Dan Plested, 25
Sales manager at Triumph & Disaster
Father of Goldie (7 months) and Houston (3.5 years)
What does a normal day as a dad look like for you?
A normal day for us starts at around 6am. On the odd occasion that I am up before any children, I treat myself to a quiet coffee. Usually, though, I am up trying to balance feeding Houston breakfast, keeping Goldie entertained and letting Mumma Abby get some sleep.
While those things are on the go, I am getting myself changed and trying to get out the door at an acceptable hour to drop Houston to daycare and get myself to work – thrilling stuff.
How did you feel when you found out you are going to be a dad?
I actually chose to become a dad. I fell in love with a girl who was already a mum, so it was an amazing choice to be able to make.
What is the most rewarding thing about being a dad for you?
Being able to play with nerf guns constantly and having leftover pasta dinners.
What have been some of the biggest challenges?
Learning that there are multiple different ways to get to the same conclusion and usually that means making the little person laugh.
How do you balance being a Father and your work commitments?
By being as present I can be wherever I am.
When was the moment when you first felt like a dad?
Day 1.
Do you think there should be changes around the amount of leave Dads are entitled to?
I think that is a difficult question to answer for everyone. At the end of the day, companies and organisations need to be flexible and understanding of different circumstances and be able to work with their teams to make different situations work. Bureaucrats will continue to be historically slow.
How much leave did you take when your kids were born?
I went back when Goldie was three days old, as it was a busy time at work. Goldie was born on the December 6, so there wasn’t too long until I had four weeks for Christmas.
Funniest moments with you little ones?
Houston talking in an American accent, copying what he had heard on YouTube. “Ryan’s Toy Review”
What is something that you want to pass on from your experience with your dad to your kids?
That there is no substitute for working hard and to never miss Saturday sport.
What is the best memory of your Father?
Saturday sport – never missed a game.
How are you going to spend Father’s Day?
Hopefully being served.
What is the most important thing your kids have taught you?
That if you load your nerf gun properly, the bullet will go further – metaphor?
NIC WATT, 44
Restaurateur / chef
Father of Kiana (11 years) and Lucas (8 years)
What does a normal day as a dad look like for you?
A normal day is about getting Kiana to school first, as she has the earlier start, and then Luc – early week it’s dance for Kiks and Tai Kwon Do for Luc after school… weekends are for fun.
How did you feel when you found out you are going to be a dad?
It was an OMG moment – it wasn’t planned.
What is the most rewarding thing about being a dad for you?
There are so many rewarding aspects of being dad to two beautiful little humans – I don’t really know where to start. I guess it’s bed time, when we are all curled up in one of their beds together – we have a round of “I love you because…” I know these are precious times.
What have been some of the biggest challenges?
Patience; learning to accept their own little decisions; and knowingly allowing them to make a mistake – so they can learn from their small mistakes.
How do you balance being a Father and your work commitments?
I have worked ridiculously hard for many years – I now know and appreciate this beautiful time and moments I have with them – I try to equally balance work with kids’ time – work is a priority – it puts bread on the table, but, at the end of the day, the kids will always come first! No matter what!
When was the moment when you first felt like a dad?
The very first time I held them… That first touch, it’s unforgettable and truly touching and connecting with the little souls.
Do you think there should be changes around the amount of leave dads are entitled to?
Yes, and no… as a dad, yes, and a business owner, no.
How much leave did you take when your kids were born?
I took one week off with both kids – that’s all [and] it hasn’t left any negative impact… I had to work and that was important to me at the time and allowed for a better life for us now.
Funniest moments with you little ones?
These are endless – but the sound and sight of them laughing and playing together is pure emotional gold.
What is something that you want to pass on from your experience with your dad to your kids?
Yes. My father taught me to not to procrastinate – take the moment now; and secondly, a love of the sea; this I am already trying to pass on to them… they are like fish in the ocean.
What is the best memory of your Father?
As a young lad – diving with him and learning the art of catching crayfish – I was the diving sack man while he caught them by hand – now the roles have reversed.
How are you going to spend Father’s Day?
Hopefully to start with breakfast in bed… I will happily eat anything they prepare – although my standards might be set high as a chef. After all, they are chef’s kids and both can cook.
What are the important values you have taught your kids?
I hope I have taught them love, compassion and respect [and to] be curious, ask questions, don’t just believe, ask why. And, most importantly, I hope I am teaching them to love themselves and believe that they can achieve ANYTHING they put their minds to. They are the future – believe.
