The Paradox of Playing Small
Consider “Richard,” a client who embodied reliability and achieving results. Intelligent, dependable, and exceptionally supportive of his team, he had nonetheless hit a glass ceiling. Despite clear goals and putting in the effort, his career had stalled. As he described it, he felt like he was “running on a treadmill that was going faster and faster but not making progress.”
Through courageous exploration, a revealing pattern emerged. Richard was achieving results, but only in areas where he already excelled. Despite accumulating wins, they were all within his comfort zone. He was actually playing small—like a master chess player who only ever uses the same three moves, despite having the capability for so much more.
This realisation led to a surprising discovery: Richard—driven, ambitious, and results-oriented—had a hidden fear of success, complete with self-sabotaging behaviours. We uncovered that, just like a computer running outdated software, Richard’s internal operating system contained old code that once served a purpose but was now holding him back.
The Hidden Benefits of Fear of Success
When exploring the psychological framework of his fear of success, Richard identifi ed several perceived “benefits”, it was there to keep him safe. But was it actually keeping him safe?
Staying Safe
Achieving the promotion he wanted potentially meant having further to fall. Part of him questioned whether his success to date was merely luck that couldn’t continue, making it safer to remain where his skills were proven. Like a mountain climber who refuses to venture beyond base camp for fear of the precarious heights above, Richard clung to the comfortable and familiar terrain of his current role.
Avoiding Increased Expectations
Already feeling the weight of significant responsibilities, Richard found the prospect of adding additional demands daunting rather than motivating. Each step up the ladder seemed to come with an exponential increase in expectations—not just from others but from himself. The perfectionist tendencies that had served him in the past now felt like an ever-growing backpack of rocks that weighed him down.
Preserving Connections
He valued the strong collaborations with his team and peers. Would advancing create distance or generate jealousy? Remaining at his current level protected these valued relationships. Leadership can feel isolating, with fewer peers to confide in and the constant awareness of how your words and actions impact those you lead.
Maintaining Identity
At his core and being honest with himself, Richard questioned whether he truly believed himself capable of senior leadership. Limiting his success preserved his comfortable self-image and avoided the conflict of how he viewed himself. His internal narrative had always been “I’m the reliable 2IC”—stepping into “I’m the visionary leader” required not just new skills but a fundamental shift in his sense of identity.
How to Navigate Through a Fear of Success
Recognising the fear of success is the beginning. Growth and development in any area require discomfort. To go beyond your current limitations requires deliberate strategies and practice to grow into your full potential. Here are practical approaches:
Identify, Step Back and Observe
Create distance between yourself and your old fears by adopting a meta-position. View your thoughts and beliefs as objects of attention rather than absolute truths. Like a curious observer, this perspective allows you to ask:
● What do I think about this belief?
● Is it helping me be my best self?
● Is this something I would gift to someone I care about?
● Do I need it to keep me safe?
● Is it helping me be my best self?
● Do I have permission to let it go?
This process resembles debugging—identifying and deleting which lines of code are causing performance issues in how you lead.
Development Requires Exposure to Discomfort
Building confidence necessitates stepping into uncertainty—like releasing code to validate its effectiveness. Growth demands confronting what makes you uncomfortable.
This drives the deliberate practice approach in coaching. Avoiding feared activities only reinforces discomfort. Instead, pursue growth through small, controlled exposures with gradually increasing challenges. This resembles iterative development, where each release provides feedback that builds confidence through experience, allowing your skills and self-assurance to grow in tandem. Be comfortable being uncomfortable.
Challenge Self-Limiting Narratives
Our brains construct stories to make sense of our experiences, but these narratives can become self-fulfilling prophecies. When you catch yourself thinking “Leaders always end up isolated” or “I’ve just been lucky so far,” deliberately challenge these assumptions with counterexamples and alternative perspectives. Think of these limiting beliefs as outdated apps. They may have helped with your past experiences effectively, but they’re past their use-by date for the current you. You have the choice to keep them or to flush them away.
Redefine Success on Your Terms
Often, fear of success stems from adopting others’ definitions of achievement. Take time to clarify what success genuinely means to you. Consider not just career advancement but personal fulfilment, relationship quality, and overall wellbeing. This authentic definition becomes a compass that can guide you past fears based on other people’s ‘shoulds’.
Create Safety in Growth
Address the legitimate aspects of your fears by building support systems that provide stability during transitions. Mentors who have navigated similar paths can offer valuable perspective, while peer networks provide both emotional support and practical advice during your personal upgrade process.
Celebrate Growth, Not Just Outcomes
Shift your focus from achievement alone to appreciating your progress and growth through the process. By valuing your progress, you’re building a growth mindset where you create rewards that don’t depend solely on external validation or specific results. Acknowledge and appreciate yourself for having the courage to be continually evolving rather than staying stuck. Each version improvement is progress towards your vision and goals.
The Strategic Advantage of Self-Awareness
High performers who recognise and address their fear of success gain a distinct competitive advantage. While others remain unconsciously held back by invisible barriers, those who identify and update these limitations can access their full potential. Remember: your inner game drives your outer game. Updating your internal code directly improves your external results.
Richard’s journey illustrates this transformation. By understanding how his fear of success manifested and by implementing strategies to move beyond it, he not only achieved the promotion he sought, he also discovered renewed energy and satisfaction in his work.
Understanding the old fears holding you back is a crucial step in achieving your full potential. The most significant career growth you’ll ever make isn’t learning a new skill—it’s updating the old code in your inner operating system.