Tropicana Have Finally Solved The ‘Orange Juice After Toothpaste’ Conundrum

Bobby Barker

This century has thus far been an incredible time for innovation and has produced some of the most groundbreaking solutions to human problems the world has ever seen. But there’s one problem that for decades has haunted humans all over the world and has befuddled even the world’s greatest minds. That is, of course, the question of how the heck am I supposed to drink this delicious, chilled glass of orange juice right after brushing my teeth? It’s a problem (of the first-world kind) that has effected those in the millions and, after what has to have been tireless research and testing, a brave brand believes they have, once and for all, found the magic solution to one of the world’s most pressing issues.

Monday marked the launch of juice giant Tropicana’s first foray into the toothpaste industry with a product specifically designed to satisfy the segment of the market that simply can’t put up with this reality any longer. As part of a collaborative effort with Dynamic Blending, the Tropicana Toothpaste claims that it offers “Maximum O.J. Flavour Protection”, successfully eliminating the infamous unpleasant tang that occurs when you take a sip of what should be delightful OJ with your breakfast right after using regular toothpaste. How on Earth have they accomplished this feat, you ask? By removing an ingredient known as sodium lauryl sulfate, a cleaning agent which is found in the vast majority of toothpastes and doesn’t mesh with acidic sweetness of orange juice. Does this compromise what some would consider the primary function of the toothpaste, to remove one’s teeth of bacteria? Who knows, but if it means we can finally drink our damn orange juice the way we want, I’d argue that’s a price worth paying!

Now, before you storm your local pharmacy in a desperate rush to finally be relieved of your unfortunately ‘orange-juice-after-toothpaste-less’ existence, I regret to inform you that the Tropicana Toothpaste will not be sold in stores anywhere and instead will only be made available via promotional sweepstakes on Tropicana’s social media pages. But one can only imagine the game-changing effect this could have on the world. No, we haven’t solved climate change and millions around the world are still hungry, but finally (FINALLY), we have begun to develop solutions to this problem, which has plagued the world for centuries. Let’s celebrate with an ice-cold glass of the good stuff (unless you’ve just brushed your teeth, then probably give it an hour or so).